If you read my blog very often, you know that I enjoy reading Thomas Merton's writings.  Once in a while, I like to grab one of his journals and read what he was thinking about and writing about around this time of year.  Here's an entry from 1963.

January 25, 1963

Still very cold and bright.

The best thing about the retreat has been working in the pig barn and then walking back alone, a mile and a half, through the snow.

I think I have come to see more clearly and more seriously the meaning, or lack of meaning, in my life.  How much I am still the same self-willed and volatile person who made such a mess of Cambridge.  That I have not changed yet, down in the depths, or perhaps, yes, I have changed radically somewhere, yet I have still kept some of the old, vain, inconstant, self-centered ways of looking at things.  The situation I am in now has been given me to change me, if I will only surrender completely to reality as it is given me by God and no longer seek in any way to evade it, even by interior reservations.

Hitherto my interior reservation has been always "Of course there must be something better, and who knows if that is not for me?"

Well, there is something better:  but it must come out of an inner transformation of my own self, in Christ.  What is better is Christ, that is to say, for me to live completely in and by Him.  I already do live in Him, of course, but there remains much to be surrendered that still remains "my own."

I'm always intrigued by how much "normal" stuff Merton writes about.  The weather.  His own internal struggles and failings.  His frustration with himself and others, etc.  Perhaps that's why I resonate with his writing as much as I do. 

I spent this weekend at the Abbey of Gethsemani for a regional gathering of Lay Cistercian communities.  It was an interesting experience to meet representatives of various Lay Cistercian groups from all over the US.  There are a few things I've taken away from this weekend. 

• I've learned that I am not alone.  It's helpful to meet other people who have some of the same desires as me.  They too sense a calling from the Holy Spirit to be lay monastics whose primary calling is to prayer and contemplation for the good of the world.  I'm glad to know that I'm not crazy; that others living in different states and even different countries long to live this life of prayer "in the world."
• I've learned that a lot of diversity exists among these groups.  I was a bit surprised to learn how different the various expressions of Lay Cistercian groups were.  Some are highly structured.  Some hardly have any structure at all.  Some are geographically based.  Others like Conversi have members from all over the world.  Some groups require each member to be Roman Catholic while other groups are ecumenical. 
• I've learned that many of us Lay Cistercians have great affection for our local monasteries.  We care about these Trappists and must be careful not to place unreasonable expectations on them. 
• I've learned that I have a lot to learn.  I have a lot yet to learn about prayer, about lectio, about Cistercian tradition, about what it means to live this vocation in the world. 

I should probably clarify that I wasn't invited to Gethsemani as representative of our local Cistercian community.  I was there as a "host" to assist others in making their way around the monastery and to take a few photos of the weekend.  I was privileged to be able to sit in on these group sessions and found them both inspiring and informative.

You can see the photos of the weekend on my flickr page.

Peace.

I had the privilege of spending the weekend at the Abbey of Gethsemani for the Annual Lay Cistercian Retreat. It was great. A good balance of activity and silence. The topic was spiritual companioning and the group spent some time looking at Aelred of Rievaulx's writings.

What did I enjoy the most? Giving myself to the monastic schedule as much as I could. Rising before daybreak to pray with the monks. Gathering in the abbey church every few hours to chant the Psalms. Spending time in silence--no tv, no computer, nothing to distract me. I am always reminded of how much noise I have in my regular life when I spend a few days at the monastery.

I did do some hiking and of course, I took my camera along. You can view some of those moments from the weekend on my flickr page.

Check out this article that highlights the Abbey of Gethsemani. Thanks to Kyle for sharing the link.